I have been treading on logs for so long now. Poet is still not ours and we are heading into trial and all that pressure has made me distracted from everything and everyone, except Poet. I am tired of treading and desperately wanting to touch firm soil with her in my arms. It will come soon but all this is causing me to fail so many other aspects of my life. It is lonely place at times, when all you want to do is share what brings you the most happiness but how you do it when your favorite medium is photographs and stories and those are restricted for now.
This has also caused me to not communicate with my true friends, a side of effect of being abandoned by "friends" i was truly kind to, the minute i started standing on my two feet ( although for the record i was always on my own two feet, worked hard my whole life to get here) and the minute Poet came into my life- the friends who "wished i would have a baby" never even once mentioned her in fact they seem to 'like" on instagram everything but when i share what i can of her. Well being abandoned and not knowing why has also caused me to be too cautious with other friends who i know are truer than the ones i speak about and for that i am truly sorry. There is good wonderful people in my life and i need to trust that they will not abandon me.
I have wanted to write this for so long and lacked the guts and even now as i write and tears fall i am not sure if i will be able to publish but i hope i can cause i need to let this go.
I need to let go and believe that everything will be okay, That Poet came into my life because of the good me.
With kindness and a promise to start sharing what i can here and even though this is not a phone call or a face to face chat or email it is a place you can find me open and honest, always.